Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Ban smoking in Singapore( 18.8)

-unhealthy
-influnence the behavior of the next generation
-second-hand smoke
-causing wild fire


Smoking kills in the long run. It will destroy the lungs and cause many kinds of cancer. People who somke will have a shorter and more suffering life. Singapore has a high standard of life, we should assure that our citizens promote healthy life styles and at the same time, we should not only focus on the smokers' health but also their families'

Children see, children learn. Smoking will also influnence the behavior of the younger generations. Children grow up in the home where their parents smoke have the twice the risk of getting asthma. They will copy their parents and hence have a higher risk of smoking in the future.


New one!!!

Smoking kills in the long run. The lung cancer is one of the consequences of cigarette smoking. Patients with lung cancer can not breath smoothly and they are dying of lack of oxygen now in every party of the world. Have you ever seen lungs of them? They are horribly enlarged and thus they do not function anymore.
Most of us know that smoking can destroy our lungs, but seldom know smoking can also cause other illness. People who somke always have a shorter life with more suffering. Singapore has a high standard of life, we should assure that our citizens promote healthy life styles and at the same time, we should not only focus on the smokers' health but also their families' Children see, children learn. Smoking will also influnence the behavior of the younger generations. Children grow up in the home where their parents smoke have the twice the risk of getting asthma. They will copy their parents and hence have a higher risk of smoking in the future.
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15 comments:

  1. Wu MInfeiAugust 17, 2009 at 8:24 PM

    I think it need to be more emotive words?I feel like it is just explaining but not presuadable enough.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mrs Taufiq-Kris NgAugust 17, 2009 at 8:25 PM

    Para 1: 'shorter and more suffering life' to be 'shorter life full of suffering'. But find 'suffering' in this case somewhat out of place due to lack of elaboration.

    Para 2:
    - 'Children see, children learn': simple yet powerful
    - instead of 'copy their parents', 'emulate'

    ReplyDelete
  3. madhuAugust 17, 2009 at 8:26 PM

    its very direct and straight to the point but not convincing enough.throw in some examples and personal feelings it will help to interact more with the audience

    ReplyDelete
  4. VisAugust 17, 2009 at 8:28 PM

    i think that you should put in your personal experiences or use emotive language. experiences, i believe will help people understand ehat you are trying to tell them.Also add in a slogan that fits your speech.

    ReplyDelete
  5. NachammaiAugust 17, 2009 at 8:29 PM

    The speech seems to be not persuasive enough. Maybe it is due to the lack of emotive words.
    Include real life examples to attract the audience better

    ReplyDelete
  6. feliciaAugust 17, 2009 at 8:30 PM

    The speakers should elaborate more on what the harmful effects of smoking are as this will convince the audience more on why banning smoking in singapore is a good thing

    ReplyDelete
  7. ShiraAugust 17, 2009 at 8:34 PM

    Children see, children learn. nice usage

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hai YenAugust 17, 2009 at 8:38 PM

    I think you should include some personal expreriences in the speech, not only factual/contextual knowledge. However, it's good that you made an attempt to give us some statistics ('have the twice the risk of getting asthma'), provided that they are accurate.

    ReplyDelete
  9. sicenAugust 17, 2009 at 8:39 PM

    Very attractive speech!
    "Children see, children learn" is a simple yet powerful quotation. And maybe some words like "kill" "copy" "suffering" can be changed into more precise ones such as "torment" "murder".

    ReplyDelete
  10. deniseAugust 17, 2009 at 8:39 PM

    The speech is quite good as it gives some effects of smoking such as the damage it does to the heart. However, speech is not convincing enought to state why it should be banned. The sale of cigarettes is a form of revenue for singapore and hence you should also consider the benefits and state why though with some advantages it should be still banned.

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousAugust 17, 2009 at 8:40 PM

    are the statistics correct ( thr risk one being twice ) ?!?!?
    also i see that you have made some grammatical errors like " more suffering life".. which can be replaced by life full fo suffering or miserable life.
    also, "we should assure that our citizens promote healthy life styles " can be rephrased as "we should promote a healthy lifestyle among our citizens so as to ensure that they stay healthy and live longer "... something like that

    ReplyDelete
  12. xiaojingAugust 17, 2009 at 8:43 PM

    you can have more elaboration on your first point as it is the most important reason to ba n smoking.Try to rephrase in ur own words not the one from bio and social study books

    ReplyDelete
  13. cherlyn and michelleAugust 17, 2009 at 8:43 PM

    Wrong usage of idiom-no such idiom as 'children see, children learn'. Figure out more ways to brush up on your vocabulary skills. Have more elaboration and use more emotive words and have a slogan.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Tracy LamAugust 17, 2009 at 8:43 PM

    The speech is not very persuasive. Maybe you can add more emotive language in it to capture more of the audience's attention.

    ReplyDelete
  15. cherylAugust 17, 2009 at 8:45 PM

    the phrase " children see, children learn" can be used in the first paragraph too so that there is repitition.

    ReplyDelete

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